May 14th, 2008

Wow…45 days? A month and a half later, not for lack of wanting to in the mean time by the way, I am back. It is amazing how fast time can fly on by, the movie image of calendar pages being ripped off and blowing away on some wind, or the clock with the hands sweeping quickly around and around… so much can change and so little at the same time.

Stephen and I obviously jumped ship on the Global Juice Feast on March 30. Like everything else in my life I have mixed feelings about this. I am super glad we did what we did: both the feasting and the stopping when we did. It was time for us to stop – both for different reasons than each other. I am maintaining my sense of accomplishment for even making it 30 days, and at the same time, even though I truly feel I personally shouldn’t have gone any longer, I also feel that it wasn’t long enough to slay my dragons. So here it is a mere 45 days later and I’m back in the battle. Although admittedly it is not nearly as intense a battle as before the feast (yet).

We both ended the Juice Feast and did a blended foods diet (mostly salads and greens) for about a week. Amazing though how quickly ‘blended’ started to include more and more avocado, and then really yummy coconut and almond milk shakes. Everything tasted SO good! We were constantly making yummy noises all over the house. Then salads and more avocado and nuts and seeds and pretty soon I was feeling like crap! We stayed and remain raw. We love it. I love it. It is has been years for me since ‘raw’ was not a struggle. But here we are constantly playing with and adjusting portion size and content to not overburden our recently shrunken cells and systems. It got ugly for a week or two, I’ll admit. But with some amazing guidance from my friend, Matt (read his new book, “Raw Success”), and with conscious persistence, we are really dialing it in, I think. (Of course ‘dialing it in’ does not include inhaling the entire half of a raw ‘cheesecake’ my friend Malisa gave me yesterday. But I am doing my best!)

Okay – so food aside (WHA’???) what else has happened in the last 45 days?

My work is going pretty well, it is spring cleansing season, so I’m booking up for colonics and I love that. The Food Allergy and Sensitivity Testing program is starting to take off and I’m even offering the test at wholesale to different health care practitioners, so if you are one and you could be interested in offering these tests to your clients or patients then please contact me. I also had an idea for an on-line business which I will begin to look into when a few major things are off my current “to do” list”.

Stephen is making a huge scary work transition: in the next week or two he will be cutting back his hours at Whole Foods to two days a week and working at X-Gym as a personal trainer and helping to develop that business into more of a health center. This has been his dream for a long time and it is finally happening for him. I am really happy for and proud of him. I know what a scary move this is for him. It has also caused some tension for us as we’re seeing where maybe our dreams don’t align. That is scary too. I can get all up in my head about what I want (which isn’t to live in Marin), and run constant lists about how I think things should be, but the truth is I don’t really know what I want. Not really. I just know I want ‘something’, and I get sort of manic-panic over it. If I stop and take a step back and breath and relax I do settle on one truth, and that is that I do want to be where Stephen is, so again, instead of push push pushing forward I am forced into sit back and wait and see… if this gym works out for him then we go to Marin, and we will make a life there, and it will be good. (I just wish it was in Ojai or Calistoga.)

Cheyenne Maloney, a woman I consider a major influence in my life, a spiritual teacher for me (although she’d resist the label), came through town for the first time in a couple of years two weekends ago. We spent time with her and Stephen got the nature of the work and seems interested in it and suited for it. I felt like I returned home in her presence and look forward to continuing my work with her. It may take me to Mount Whitney in September for a 10 day retreat that directly conflicts with Raw Spirit, so I am feeling that decision out right now.

And on a lamer note, in the midst of a typical emotional melt-down I exhibited non-typical shea-like behavior and went out and got some tattoos. I deeply regretted them the very second the actual tattooing process was over. I literally cried for two weeks every time I saw them. I still think they are lame, an action step taken while not in my right mind, and to me physical proof of my step-father’s words that I don’t think before I act. Well, I got ‘em now. And I figure my choices are this: I either spend a zillion times more to have them removed, or a little more and add to them and make them into a piece of body art that I can eventually love. But I can’t keep them how they are now: they look like someone gave a 4 year old a few stickers and let them randomly stick them on my foot and ankle. It was lame. I was stupid. Now I am stuck. Arg.

For any who are still interested: Still: rebounding, meditating, skin brushing, neti-potting, and coffee enema-ing, and colonic every other week or so. . Still: msm, bee pollen, enzymes, probiotics, maca and Vitamineral green. Also fire water and sole every morning. New breakfast (LOVE IT): 20 or so soaked almonds, 5 brazil nuts, 2T ground flax, 1 apple, and splash of almond milk in vitamix. Few berries on top. Big salad (down to ½ avo) or blended salad for lunch/dinner. Doing two meals a day. Including sea veggies, greens, nuts, seeds, lecithin, loads of sprouts (lentil or buckwheat or mung bean). Working well.

SheaShayShā

Stephen bringing me flowers late one night last week. I had to take his photo. How cool is that?

(How cute is he?)